Never Give Way To Doubt

When I read the text this morning I was struck by how close to home the message was. When facing issues of depression, anxiety, stress, or other illness symptoms I have been guilty of giving way to doubt. Cancelled service plans, avoiding text messages from friends who want to get together for an interchange of encouragement, lingering in the bed for hours after my chosen “wake-up” time of 8:30 AM… these are all things I have done because I felt like “I can’t”. But, I didn’t feel that way when I made the plans. This text brought the reason to light.

I made the plans for service because I felt like I could; I could face strangers in metropolitan witnessing or knock on a door not knowing who might be on the other side. Why? Becuase Jehovah expects me to. Because I dedicated my life to doing his will. Because it’s part of acting in concert with my prayers to ‘let Your kingdom come’.

But then… I give way to doubt (Matthew 14:31).

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Laying in bed at 11 PM the night before my 8 AM service plans I start to doubt that I can. I start to think that I can’t. I start to believe that I just can’t. Anxiety sets in. Panic begins. Fear takes over. So I send a text to cancel. I tell myself this is ok. That I have a medical reason. That my PTSD isn’t going to allow me to meet my commitment. That I am a failure. That I will try again tomorrow.

Honestly, there may be times when I just have to try again tomorrow.  However, if you read the paragraph beneath the scripture below and pay attention to the full transcript of the passage to the right, you might hone in on the same sentences I did when I read it:

“Peter… trusted that God’s power would support him…”

Perhaps, in addition to deep breathing, anxiety medication, and staying hidden when I have a panic attack, I can also remind myself (even repeat to myself) that Jesus and Jehovah will support me in all the ways I need support especially when I am giving my time in support of the Kingdom. I’ve spent time today in personal study of this span of scripture using the SOAP-JW method I modified and, let me tell you, it is just what I needed. I hope it encourages you as well.

If you’d like to get the daily text on your smart phone or tablet just go to your app store and download the free JW Library app. The screenshot below is of mine on an iPad mini.

 

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Give An Hour

I have to admit that I have been a bit stalled in taking the next steps. Sometimes the best you can do in the morning is wake up, brush your teeth, get dressed and simply celebrate your ability to do only that. Other days staying in be until 3pm because you cannot face the day feel like an utter failure, so you browse the internet for distraction. I was doing just that when I found this site: GIVE AN HOUR

Their mission?

Give an Hour’s mission is to develop national networks of volunteers capable of responding to both acute and chronic conditions that arise within our society, beginning with the mental health needs of those who serve and their families.

How it works?

A site visitor (could be a veteran, family member or person affected by a loved-ones service), clicks on “Get Help” to get information on what to expect and how to choose a provider. S/he clicks on “Provider Search” to find someone offering individual counseling services near their home.

Seriously? That was just what I needed. To get back to therapy. Sometimes a caregiver is so busy caregiving that they don’t realize that they themselves are spiraling into despair. I felt, and still do feel very often, that I cannot go on. That another day cannot be faced. That I will just stay in the fortress of my own bed under the covers until the world melts away and I achieve enlightenment beside my pillow.

That is not living. So tomorrow I will call, and go, and talk to someone.

Interested? Then visit the site:

GIVE AN HOUR